Self Reflection: Style of Life
by Lauren Yap
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The style of life tree seen above will be used throughout the story
Upon looking at the five roots that contributed to my feelings of inferiority, I guess my personal feelings of inferiority has a lot to do with parental attitudes and gender roles.
My family is very superstitious and always believes that traditions should be passed down from generation to generation. They still think that a male does a better job than a female, especially when it comes to their work. This angers me a lot because inequality starts with the belief that is passed down from one generation to another. Moreover, it is sad to say that it is not just my family who believe this to be true.
Their belief of how men are dominant over women caused me to feel inferior towards my little brother. Before COVID-19 happened, my brother was allowed to study in China even if he was just 12. I, on the other hand, was forced to take extracurricular activities back at home, and the reason, because he was male and I was female. As unbelievable as this sounds, my mother also explained to me that a female’s job is to cook, clean, and care for the family. How can I blame them though, if they were raised that way? All I can do to change is to promise myself I wouldn’t act the same way they did. Gender roles should not dictate the way society thinks of and treats a person. This feeling of inferiority led me to believe at some point that I will always be second best to my parents. And that my little brother is the favorite child, asides from being the youngest one.
Asides from gender roles, I always disagreed with their parenting styles.
I always remember myself saying when I grow up and have a child; I would never treat my kids the same way my parents treated me. As harsh as this sounds, my parents don’t have the best parental attitudes. I don’t blame them at all because a person’s attitude is shaped by their culture and family.
I believe that my parents HAD an authoritarian type of style. When I was young, I remember I had to have good grades, at least 2 extracurricular activities and was always punished when I did something by accident. When I wanted to hang out with my friends, my parents always said “No” and if I asked why I would find myself in bigger trouble. This feeling led me to have a distant relationship with them. I had poorer social skills, lower self-esteem, and feelings of dissatisfaction when I failed to complete a task.
Besides the negative things about my parents, people change. I don’t know how, but I’m glad they did change. As we all grew, we seem to be closer than ever. They’re past authoritarian style turned into an authoritative one. They still demanded something from me, but they also gave me the freedom to express myself. They are still working on gender equality though…
My goal in life is to have a long-lasting relationship with others, find a partner, and to have a job that I love.
Among the five attitudes in the picture on the style of life tree, I’d say that I developed all of those attitudes that would move me closer towards my goals. Some that I consider being more developed would be my attitude towards the self, others, and the other sex.
I’m often told that I am a great listener. I am pleased with what people have said, but I also believe that there are some things that I always need to work on. Relationships with people, in general, is not something one can have overnight. For me, a good and healthy relationship/attitude towards other people requires acceptance.
To love means that you see a person’s otherness as different, and that difference is something that makes them lovely.
It may seem odd that I said acceptance, but it is, however, the most important thing. If you accept your self, your self-worth, your self-image, then you can form long-lasting relationships with others as well.
However, there are these less developed attitudes that push me further away from my goals; attitude towards difficulties and life.
As I said, there are lots of things that we need to work on. Some difficulties may be easy, but some are so hard that I end up questioning my existence.
Difficulties come hand in hand with life. When I have problems I cannot resolve, I find myself thinking about why life is so unfair, and if I were born as smart as Bill Gates, then I wouldn’t have these difficulties at all.
I only explained my goals in life, but my actual life task is to serve others. The five attitudes, I assume, would serve as a guide to move me closer to achieving this task and as I try to do so. I will always remember that I have the freedom to do whatever I please, but life is nothing if I did not form any relationship with the other.
Even though I strive hard to fulfill my goals and tasks, I am not perfect.
Pointing out the things that I lack is also difficult to do since I make lots of excuses to protect my self-worth. If I am troubled with some difficulties, I often find myself saying things like, “If only I were smarter,” or “Yes, but I am tired.”
I realize that I use excuses for others to pity me. I hate that I do this, but I can’t help it. The fact that I use these excuses for others to pity me makes me invincible, thus allowing me to escape from tasks I find baffling. This type of safeguarding technique, I believe, hinders me from rapidly developing my attitude towards difficulties and life as I realize that excuses will not bring me towards success.
These excuses, more often than so, lead to feelings of guilt. “I feel guilty because I was insensitive.” This is a type of aggression that takes the form of self-accusation. I tell my friends I cannot finish a specific task, because I am tired, stupid, or worse, because I don’t have internet and all these excuses make me feel like I devalue myself to make others pity me. Instead, I realize that I am the one who pities myself.
I am my greatest enemy, and I am my best friend. That is why the greatest mysteries come in discovering obstacles in life. We never know if we don’t try things out.
Life is too short not to know, therefore know things and make things known.
